perks-of-being-chinese:

when i was a kid, i asked my dad where babies came from and he said something like “ur mom had a stomach ache and she went to the bathroom n then came out with you” and i feel like thats his way of calling me a piece of shit

dutchster:

as a serial killer my name would be the suspense so my victims would be like “oh no, the suspense is killing me” and we would both laugh right before i killed them

vinebox:

That laugh tho

dumbkili:

I went on a journey of self discovery today

the-time-goddess-of-221b:

smoochlock:

so my mum told me that as a kid she would peel an apple and throw the peel over her shoulder, and the peel would take the shape of the first letter of her future spouse. naturally, i decided to do it and

image

i’m fucking crying 

it says ‘no.’

it literally says NO.

oh my god

legalmexican:

Dentist: *Has multiple things in your mouth*

"So how’s school?"

kaliforhnia:

Idk why I keep getting sad over people that don’t give a shit about me.

supersugoiautism:

it was 99 cents

supersugoiautism:

it was 99 cents

if you open a door for me and give me a nice genuine smile you can father my children